I’d like to call him a ‘devil in disguise’

Gue perlu konsultasi ke psikiater kayaknya.

I need to report about my hateful behavior towards my little brother. And it’s getting crazier each day because now everytime his whole figure gets into my sight, I start bombarding him with filthy words and shameful actions to get rid of him. Got it?

Kalo ada yang nanya kenapa gue sebegitu jahatnya sama adek gue, I don’t even know why. Dulu kayaknya gue ga benci benci banget sama dia. I remember we played Playstation together kalo nyokap lagi belanja bulanan ke mall dan gue ditugasin buat jagain dia di rumah. Well, waktu itu sih adek gue masih bayi jadi gue ya mau mau aja. But we weren’t so conflicted like we are now. Gatau aja tiba tiba ketika gue beranjak remaja, I find his presence utterly annoying and disgusting. Sejak saat itu, ga ada satu hari di rumah tanpa suara ribut ribut teriak antara gue dan adek gue.

I’m still trying to figure out where this hatred comes from. I mean, there must be a source to it, right? I can’t just hate him with no reason. Or so I thought. Tapi kayak yang pernah gue bilang, kekesalan gue sama adek gue yang paling utama mungkin datang dari sikap orangtua yang beda banget antara gue sama dia. No before you judge me as a childish bastard, lemme explain a few things. Gue pernah nyindir adek gue bahwa dia sama sekali ga berprestasi and he should be ashamed of himself because of that. Tapi abis itu gue yang jadinya dimarahin sama nyokap gue, say gue ga boleh lah ngungkit ngungkit kelemahan dia.

Now that’s where you go wrong, mom.

Pardon me for talking back, tapi for God’s sake, gue waktu kelas 3 SD udah jadi juara umum satu sekolahan. I won numerous drawing competition baik di lingkungan rumah, sekolah, ataupun lingkungan luar. Gue selalu ikut lomba melukis dan trophy gue berjejer di rumah. I have so many good things happening when I was his age.

Dan sekarang dia udah kelas 6 SD, dan nyokap gue bilang, “Your brother doesn’t know yet what he wants to become. There’s no need for you to push him around. Leave him alone.” Oh sorry but lemme remind you that I’ve had this wild dream of being the minister of foreign affairs since I was still in fifth grade.

We’re siblings, yet we’re so different! Apa ga cukup gitu influence yang gue tularkan ke dia?? Hanya karena dia masih kecil, ga menutup kemungkinan buat dia buat bermimpi dong. That is if he was normal. I think he’s not normal. I hope he’s not normal. My parents treat him oh so dearly while I had to struggle all along when I was his age. I had to be on top of my class, pushed around to be the winner of a competition, and even I had to make sure I don’t lay rotten score in my report card.

HE DOESN’T DO WHAT I DID. OR MY OLDER BROTHER DID.

I don’t see the just in it.

Maybe that’s why I hate him so much. Ugh, gilak gue benci banget sama adek gue I feel like shoving him with knifes all over his face.

Girls In The City 6, Destination: TMII

This is what happen when I love a song too much it hurts

Yak, once again, gue bikin songfic. Fanfic yang inspired by a song. Lagu yang jadi korban kali ini adalah Scarborough Fair originally sung by Simon & Garfunkel. Tapi gue lebih prefer versi Sarah Brightman. Gue suka tiba-tiba denger lagu di toko buku trus jadi suka dan langsung google lagunya. This time, gue lagi nyari perlengkapan ospek sama Tara di Intermedia deket rumah. Pas lagi muter-muter, gue denger speakernya mainin lagu enak banget sumpah itu kayak lagu tidur, totally my type of song. Gue langsung suruh Tara buat pake hape dia biar bisa mindai lagunya biar tahu judulnya apa. Eh sempet lama banget tuh ga keluar-keluar namanya. Dan pas banget pas lagunya berhenti main, judulnya keluar (yeaaah!) dan tulisannya pake huruf Cina.

Perasaan tadi liriknya bahasa Inggris.

Apa perasaan doang.

Akhirnya gue suruh Tara screencap dan kirim judulnya ke gue soalnya di hape gue ada aplikasi buat scan gambar gitu trus tulisan Cinanya bisa dibaca. Sampe rumah langsung gue scan dan search di Google. Yang keluar artikel tulisa Cina smua buset dan gue klik aja satu-satu. Semuanya kalo dibaca kasar bunyinya jadi “Shikabaoluo blablabla” which means “Scarborough Fair.” Pas gue search lagi, ternyata ini bukan sembarang lagu karena it’s a traditional ballad and has been there since the 60s. Menceritakan tentang cowok yang meminta 3 hal mustahil buat seorang cewek kalo cewek itu mau jadi kekasihnya.

Anjir, sadoy ga sih itu. Kayak Sangkuriang sama Dewi Sumbi. #plakk

Dan gue jadi berandai-andai lagu itu kalo dibikin cerita asik kali ya. Lalu mulailah gue yang penuh dengan ketidaksadaran diri bukannya ngerjain tugas ospek malah bikin fanfic baru haha dor. Gue memutuskan buat bikin cerita ini jadi one shot tapi dipisah beberapa segment. Here are a snippet of each segment!

001

[…]

Yixing could see the asked guy’s corner lip was turning upright. He could see the slight row of white teeth behind those lips. Yifan couldn’t help but to smile. Everytime he thought about that place, he would always smile. Even sometimes, the imagination would paint his cheeks red. He threw another glance towards the roofs of the houses outside the train. It was starting to rain.

“So?” Jongdae pestered him.

Yixing was about to hold back the younger when Yifan flashed him a warm look.

“I’m going to Scarborough Fair.”

002

[…]

Yifan was staring at him in awe. He didn’t expect to meet a Chinese this soon upon his arrival in York. Maybe this shop was the one in his paper, but he hadn’t seen his friend here. Their conversation was interrupted when a voice embarked from the room behind the shop calling for Zitao.

“That’s father. Look, I gotta run. And you have to leave before he knows there’s a stray in the shop,” Zitao quickly snapped the cup from Yifan’s grip and helped him to pack his stuffs—which was only his guitar sack—and slowly pushed him out of the shop. Yifan could see the apologetic expression on the younger boy’s face.

“I’m so sorry. But the cold isn’t that bad in the morning. Just make sure you get a place to stay at night because that’s the time where your life is in danger.”

[…]

003

[…]

“I didn’t remember you being so famous like this,” Yifan sneered.

“Haha, yeah right. Lots of things happened, handsome. I guess puberty did it to me.”

“Right. You look really great, by the way, if nobody has ever told you that.”

“Don’t worry,” Jongin smirked. “they already have.”

[…]

004

[…]

“So what are you going to do?”

Yifan stopped in front of a wolf miniature made of wood. He stared at the wolf while thinking about his house mate’s question. After knowing that his hope to audition in York was almost gone, Yifan honestly had no idea what he was going to do now. He didn’t have a job, a place to live (well but he couldn’t live with Jongin forever, could he?), and Yifan certainly couldn’t stand the cold.

“I guess I’ll be going back home then,” he spoke halfheartedly. With what, money? Yifan had no money left. His last money was spent to fund his way from Guangzhou to York.

[…]

005 to be continued.

Gue ga kena writer’s block. Kali ini gue nulis bener-bener dari hati dan berusaha buat ga ngelantur kemana-mana. Gue nulis apa yang ada di kepala gue, gimana gue mengimajinasikannya, I want the reader to feel what I feel in this song.

So, what do you think?

2 weeks ago ▴ [859 notes] ▴ reblog

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Maybe in another universe, I’m not who I am today

"Udah gede ya mbak sekarang. Lanjut di mana nih?"
"Alhamdulillah UGM tante."
"Oh ya? Ambil jurusan apa?"
"Hukum."
"Wah asik dong bisa jadi pengacara, notaris juga, bisa buka usaha sendiri."

Sejujurnya, gue gamau kerja. Astaghfirullah. Ga deng canda. Tapi gimana ya, ya gitu. Gue mager nyari kerja. Ahahahahah haduh omongan tuh doa ya Allah apaan sih gue. But seriously, jalan hidup gue sekarang agak geser ya layaknya otak gue yg juga udah mulai geser. Jadi lulus kuliah nanti gue so pasti dong balik ke Jakarta (sepertinya kota Jakarta akan jadi kota liburan berbanding terbalik yang dulu jadi tempat berpulang) (tsaaahh) trus bareng temen-temen yang sejalur, cari kerja di kementerian atau kedubes atau mana kek yang bau bau HI gitu. Nanti kalo udah dapet, kerja, cari duit sampe bisa beli apa-apa yang gue mau. Trus di tempat kerja ini cari pacar, kalo bisa sih model model pimpinan yang udah punya prospek masa depan bagus. Intinya sih cari pacar yang siap dibawa ke pelaminan bahkan kalo harus saat itu juga yes sip. Nanti kalo udah nikah, langsung resign jadi IRT. Kalopun ga, tunggu sampe punya anak baru berhenti kerja.

Kenapa mau jadi IRT, Din? Karena apa ga ena jadi IRT itu, tiap hari bisa belajar masak sepuasnya, main sama anak, kalo mau jalan-jalan sama temen juga bisa langsung cus, bisa nyambut tiap suami pulang dari kantor, trus intinya bisa ngurusin rumah deh. I love being surrounded by my family :) Padahal dulu gue ngotot jadi wanita karir dan bahkan bilang sama nyokap gue males berkeluarga. Eh makin ke sini gue malah males kerja huhuhuhu :c Awal kepikiran buat jadi IRT sih karena gue mikir kalo nanti gue udah kerja, kan liburnya ga sama kayak anak sekolahan ya, berarti kalo ada konser Korea gue bisa aja gabisa nonton dong, berarti trus gue kerjaannya ya kerja doang bakalan susah ngepasin sama jadwal ngantor dong? No way. Gue walaupun udah punya anak tetep mau nonton konser. Makanya gue mau jadi IRT aja. Duit buat seneng-seneng ada, bisa ngurus anak, kebebasan tetap terjamin yeah \m/

Do we really have to plan everything?

Jadi, apakah gue siap menjalani hidup jadi mahasiswi fakultas hukum?

Pertanyaan itu berkali-kali muter di kepala gue beberapa hari terakhir ini. Setiap kali gue liat lagi tugas-tugas PPSMB, mata kuliah yang bakal gue dapetin di semester satu dan nanti ketika gue penjurusan di semester tiga, gue semakin mikir; gue sebenernya ga cocok di fakultas hukum.

Trus abis ini gue langsung dihujat alam semesta.

Ya sebentar. Gue ada penjelasannya.

Selama hidup, gue selalu dihadapkan sama dua hal ketika gue mau mengambil pilihan. Pertama, apa gue bakal ngambil pilihan A dan menjalaninya karena gue suka tanpa peduli apa konsekuensi dan efek dari pilihan itu, atau yang kedua, gue ambil pilihan dengan mempertimbangkan konsekuensi dan efeknya. Ini bikin gue jadi suka plin plan dan bingung sendiri.

I admit it, gue masih belum bisa memutuskan apa yang terbaik buat gue. I’m easily driven by the mood and hormone. Maybe because I’m still a fresh teenager? I don’t know.

Waktu kecil gue suka banget sama hewan. Dan gue sempet bertekad buat jadi dokter hewan. Sampe akhirnya gue sampe ke titik yang merubah seluruh tujuan gue 180 derajat buat menjadi seorang duta besar. Dan waktu gue ceritain cerita itu sama temen-temen gue, mereka pada komentar bahwa gue terlalu kaku sama planning yang gue buat. Seharusnya hidup itu dibiarkan mengalir gitu aja, gausah ribet harus jadi apa dan mau ngapain di hidup lo. Ya mungkin at some points mereka bener. Tapi kemudian tanpa planning gue buat jadi seorang duta besar sejak kelas 5 SD, gue ga akan ambil jurusan IPS pas SMA, ga bakal belajar bahasa lain secepat kilat (because it’s a must), ga akan aktif ikutin berita luar negeri, ga akan berani bicara karena ga ada tuntutan buat bicara di depan umum, ga akan berani mengutarakan pendapat. What I’m trying to say is, gue berada di fakultas hukum adalah buah dari planning gue.

The problem is, kalo ditelaah lagi, gue sama sekali ga ada tampang mahasiswi fakultas hukum. Mungkin karena dari cara gue melihat sistem pengajaran bahwa ketika gue masih jadi murid di instansi pendidikan, ya gue ga masuk ke situ karena gue udah mahir, tapi lebih ke karena gue butuh ilmunya. Jadi memang gue masuk FH bener-bener blank gatau mau ngapain juga di situ. Beneran deh, aslinya gue tuh lebih ke sastra. Cuma ya balik lagi ke urusan planning. Gue bisa belajar apa yang gue suka kalo di sastra, gue punya passion buat belajar budaya negara lain. Tapi trus gue masih gatau mau gue apain kalo gue lulus dengan gelar sastra itu. Mau gue kemanain impian gue sejak SD?

Dan gue gabisa gitu aja lupain semua mimpi gue. Walaupun jalannya susah banget, tapi gue udah sempet ngerasain gimana rasanya bisa berhasil mewujudkan one of my childhood dreams buat bisa kuliah di FH. Dan rasanya begitu plong, membahagiakan, udah sampe ke taraf di mana lo bener-bener ngerasa bangga sama diri lo sendiri. Gue addicted sama feeling itu. Gue mau ngerasain bahagianya bisa menggapai cita-cita dan planning gue sejak kecil. Eventhough I know, the road isn’t going to be easy.

So, do we really have to plan everything? Silahkan jawab sendiri. Gue pribadi, butuh planning buat menyetir hidup gue. Karena ya gue bilang tadi, tanpa planning dan cita-cita, gue mungkin bakal tetep pengen jadi dokter hewan dan ambil IPA pas SMA. Mungkin bisa ga lulus UN, bisa ga dapet PTN juga. Selama ini cuma cita-cita buat jadi duta besar yang bikin gue keep on the right track. Hidup gue lurus. Lepas SMA masuk jurusan IPS dan pas kuliah jadi mahasiswi FH. Dan gue bisa membuktikan bahwa gue bertanggung jawab sama pilihan gue. Hopefully di dunia perkuliahan nanti gue juga bisa sukses pas kayak gue di SMA.

Good night :*

Bond - fluff exo taoris - EXO - Asianfanfics ►

— ‘Scarborough Fair' made by yours truly.

Sampah abis. Gue masih jelek buat bikin poster buat fanfic but at least I’m trying. Haha jadi intinya gue tuh pengen bikin poster yang masukin unsur dari Scarborough Fair itu sendiri sebagai sebuah ‘fair’ dan ‘song’ karena Scarborough Fair has two meanings. Jadi gue mash up aja the fair itself and the song. Sama gue masukin juga gambar peta Scarborough dan asli gue ga ngerti apa-apa tentang Scarborough secara geografis anjir lalu kenapa gue bikin fanfic settingnya di sana???

Here’s the fic.